The present meets the past.

Eight: Autumn Watson (Part 6) 

Block-run was uneventful except, of course, the chaos of schedule changes that took place during French class. The classroom was jam packed with students that needn’t be there, including me. Latin is my second language; I didn’t need to take French and neither did I want to. But for some strange reason, they decided to keep me locked up in here with about thirty something students who have very little knowledge about the language.

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Here I am, defending you against people and telling them off. Being the best friend I could be. Because honestly, I know this is how far it gets. Sometimes, when I look at you, I try to capture your image inside my head, every single facial structure that I will never have the opportunity to call mine. I swallow it all in, along with the mental torture this has been causing me for quite sometime. Because this is the only place I can hold you, this is the only place I can have you all to myself, here, inside my head.

“You’ve fallen in love before. Madly, deeply, in love with someone…the same way I have. You’ve been hurt and left without any reason. You’ve been taken for granted and played. You’ve been scarred and you’ve been damaged. You thought you’d never forget, and it still does come up. Love was never a word you’d utter after her. Love was a word I cursed after him. I opened up to the world after him; and you closed yourself after her. I laughed and smiled and push it all in the back of my mind. You cried, and cursed, and hurt yourself. I let go. You held on. I’ll always love him, and you’ll always love her. She was your first love. He was mine. We were two separate lives when we loved them. That summer, the tears, the goodbyes, the inability to move on was blown away by the cold winter air. As the chill settles in, and as the world fades into the background, we found each other. Two broken halves. Two restless souls, swallowing each other’s hurt, healing each other’s wounds, forgetting each other’s scars. I’m not your first love. You aren’t mine. At one point in time, you’ve loved someone, maybe far greater than you could ever love me. And some time in my life, I’d seen myself with him, spending eternity in his arms. I wouldn’t be your first love, your first girlfriend,your first kiss, your first date, or the first girl you introduce to your parents. I’ve never met her so I could only imagine that I may not be as beautiful as her, or as kind, and caring, and just plain out fun to be with. But I won’t make promises I wouldn’t keep. I would hold on and I will fight to keep you in my life. And that was something she couldn’t do. I may not be your first; I may be your second, or third, or who knows what…but I’m willing to take that risk.”

“Somewhere inside my head, he lingered-a ghost of my past, continuously haunting my present. I had never gotten over him,though I could say I do not love him anymore. He remains to be a fleeting pain-the most painful reminder of past mistakes.”

-Autumn Watson

violet and daisy :D